Friday, January 18, 2013

Friday Brain Dump

*tap tap tap*

Hellooooo, anyone there?

1.  I'm turning in to such a slacker about posting.  That, and the fact that our Terribly Exciting and Fascinating daily life (ie  the endless climb up Mt. Laundry, dinner #67 of 101 Recipes with Ground Venison, and for-the-love-of-Mike-there-are-only-five-of-us-here-so-why-are-there-so-many-books-on-every-flat-surface) just doesn't exactly translate into gripping reading.

2.  To spice up the routine we've been watching episodes of BBC's Life series, which was a Christmas gift.  We already have Planet Earth and Blue Planet.  Yes, we love the breath-taking filming.  Not so much the incessant worship at the altar of evolution.  Blech.  We must have the British versions of PE and BP, with David Attenborough narrating.  The boys enjoy imitating his unique pronunciations of words like "algae" and "glacier".  But this new series?  I guess we have the American version.  Somehow the goggle-eyed praise-to-Darwin is so much harder to take in Oprah Winfrey's voice.  The episodes are 50 minutes, and I lost count at about twenty-three absurdities.  Now they're even claiming that a species learning a new behavior equals evolution.  (See my eyes rolling?)

3.  Evolution... maybe?  You've probably seen this floating around.  Golly-gee, maybe there IS something to the theory...

Referred to as "homo slackass-erectus", these creatures are created by natural genetic downward evolution through constant spineless posturing and spasmodic upper limb gestures, which new research has shown to cause shorter legs and an inability to ambulate, other than in an awkward shuffling gait.

The "drag-crotch" shape also appears to affect brain function.  Expect no eye contact or intelligent verbal communication.  Research shows this parasitic species relies on food stamps and full government care.  Unfortunately, most are highly fertile.

4.  In other news, our humdrum weekly schedule was interrupted on Wednesday by... (drum roll, please...) Kerry's annual colonoscopy.  I'll spare you the details.  Your welcome.  On the hopefully-not-TMI version, he is a champion polyp-grower, which is nothing like as great as being a champion pumpkin or apple grower.  In fact, he's so prolific at it, he has a condition with a long name I can't remember, and always makes me think of Mary Poppins singing... super-cali-fragi-listic-hyper-poly-posis... but is clearly not that much fun.  (And yes, you should read Dave Barry's account of his colonoscopy.  Just set down your drink first.)

5.  The bad news is that it took up all of Wednesday morning.  The good news is that I can leave the boys at home with their schoolwork and they get all or most of it done.  Hallelujah and amen.  If your kids are younger, well, your mileage may vary.  But your day will come.

6.  I've been industriously working on quilts.  Baby quilts, to be precise, but I can't show you.  I have no idea if my prego friends read the blog.  Probably not.  How could they have time?  They're each pregnant with their FIFTH CHILD.  But just in case, you'll have to wait.  The good news is that the dryer just beeped and the moment of truth is at hand for quilt #2.  (They don't look finished until they get all those lovely quilty wrinkles, IMHO.)  The bad news is that my office once again looks like the aftermath of an F4 tornado in a fabric store.  And Christmas is come and gone, so I can't hide the mess behind a "Keep out!  Santa's workshop!" sign, and pretend I have unwrapped presents lying around.

7.  Gunnar is having a very dramatic week.  In the first place, he and I have made a deal (and by "deal" I mean that I just told him this is the way it is) that we will go for a walk at least five days a week for at least 30 minutes.  He brings his watch and sets the timer.  He takes the "30 minutes" part very seriously and completely reinterprets the "at least" phrase.

So when I told him that we were taking an extra loop one day he commenced a fifteen-minute tirade (equivalent to the additional walking time) covering the injustice of life, the soreness of his back (?), and the unfairness of moms, until he lapsed, blessedly, into the Silent Treatment.

I've decided we'll add that loop at least once a week, and I have another one he hasn't seen yet ;D  I've also instituted a fine for complaining and arguing.

On the brighter side, Kerry has lost his keys so many times that he gets tired of looking and puts a bounty on them.  And that was the easiest five bucks Gunnar has ever made, which cheered him up considerably.   (I know!  Five bucks!  I'd have found them myself for five bucks!)

8.  We are nearly at the half-way point through our school year.  And there was much rejoicing.

9.  The boys prevailed on me to watch a movie with them last night - The Avengers.  And let me tell you, there's nothing like watching a movie whose intended audience is adolescent-boys-who-read-comic-books and being asked every ten minutes, "So how do you like the movie, Mom?"  Or, "Which avenger is your favorite?"  And let me tell you, it's a looooong movie.  Long enough to bind an entire quilt and do some hand-quilting.

And for the record, my favorite is the woman who beats the hooey out of three bad guys with the chair she is tied to.  Yah.

Happy weekend, friends :D


sara said...

Is it your birthday too, because you are on fire! So funny. Thanks for the laughs.

Glad Kerry's OK.

I do not handle the whining as well as you do. I've got to thicken my skin, I think. Or maybe buy some earplugs.

Choate Family said...

You have me rolling! A cheerful heart is good medicine, right?!? I'm making mine do some running/walking, too, trying to meet the Presidential Fitness Challenge. So tell Gunnar he's not alone!

Q said...

The show is narrated by Oprah? Nauseating. When I check out at the grocery store, if I have to stand next to her magazine I always turn it around backwards.

Have to admit, I like that scene in the Avengers to. "Let me put you on hold . . ." HA!

Ann said...

I have to agree on the Avengers scene. Although I'd rather just watch Captain America and leave the rest of them alone. That was the best of the movies!

Meanwhile, Kerry's experience just makes want to sing Tim Hawkins songs. Okay, so one in particular..."Colon, colon, colonoscopy! Just in case you've not heard that one, let me provide a link so you can get it in your head, too!!!!

Felicity said...

I really enjoyed this Julie!!
If a species learning a new behaviour is equal to evolution then I've evolved many times in my life!! So have most of the human race - which is sometimes hard to believe...

The dB family said...

Brain dumps are great! Who cares if it's just everyday life. At least we know we're not the only ones who live normal lives. If I can get my butt to the desk top tomorrow, I'll email you the scoop on the hearing. I have a funny story about bright eyes. Funny as in uh oh, but not scary. Does that make sense?


Joe said...

I think #3 is funny. Sad but true in many ways.